#30DaysofLearning Day 22 - Looking Inward

I talk a lot about reflection and the importance of looking inward at your learning and your journey through life.  Take time to take stock of where you've been, where you are, and where you're going.

That being said, I realized that I have a need for some deep reflection about my path.  I realized this because I have been stricken lately with something that affects many teachers and leaders.  It affected me when I was a waiter and bartender.  

The Dreaded Work Nightmare

I have been having nightmares that wake me up in the middle of the night where I am struggling to teach well in an over-sized classroom.  But my nightmares have evolved as my own knowledge about my practice has evolved.  In my nightmare, I am struggling with how I am teaching.  I was asking myself, "Why did you plan a lesson that has you talking by lecture for 15 minutes?!?  How are you going to fix this, on the fly, with 34 kids in your room, to be more student-centered?"  And then struggling because I couldn't come up with any ideas.

I thought I was done with work-related nightmares.  I guess I was wrong.

They have me thinking about my learning path and asking questions of myself.  My district is about to embark on a change journey to incorporate Modern Learning in our community, from the District Team down to every classroom.  My role is evolving.  Things are changing.  I embrace change.  But it is obviously creating some anxiety in me.

Change brings with it fear.  So what am I afraid of that is the catalyst for the anxiety that creates the work-related nightmares?  I feel like once I can name it, it will not be as scary, and I can hopefully rest easier.

• Am I afraid of not doing a good job with launching our Modern Learning change process?
• Am I afraid of running out of time to do it well?
• Will I have enough time for my other responsibilities?
• What if no one buys into the reasons why?
• Who are my allies/my tribe?  Do I have allies?

I am betting a lot of myself on this work.  Change isn't easy.  I'm okay with that.  I have been wanting this for a long time.  Who would have thought that the guy who has been preaching change for so long would have to confront fears about the change process?  I didn't.  But I know they are there.  I am naming the fears.  I am working to confront the fears.  I am reminding myself of how exciting this process is (there's that crazy inner-dialog issue with me again) and how important it is that the work continues...

Do you have fears you are fighting?  How are you pushing through?