Be Yourself

When I first started teaching, I was given advice like, "Don't smile before November," and "Don't let them into your personal life," and other lines that are essentially shared to ensure that you keep your emotional distance from the young people we serve.  Sad thing is, I followed this advice for a few years before I figured out that for best learning conditions you need bring your authentic self to the work.

I saw this Tweet today...

Yep I remember Chris Emdin saying something like the you that you turn down along with your music as you pull into the parking lot every day is the you the students need.

— Jaison Oliver (@oJaison) September 7, 2018

I have learned not to turn myself down.  And, friends, I'm pretty effing loud.  So is my music.  I have been able to make some real, genuine connections with young people.  It changed me as a teacher, helped me grow as leader, and made me a better person.  

I miss working directly with young people.  My new role in my district has me most often working with school staff and district instructional leads.  On some occasions, I am blessed with moments to work directly with students.  

One little guy in particular used to light up my darkest weeks.  I first met Doc when I served as a substitute Principal for a week last year.  He was in 3rd grade, and he was quite the handful.  Doc had difficulty working through angry emotions, and he often reacted loudly and quickly when he could not maintain his calm.  The first day I met him, Doc had lost his temper and run out of class.  When I found him, he was 10 feet up a chain link fence in the back of the school yard.  He came down, calmed down, and we worked through what he needed that day.  And I met him every day after with a smile, a willingness to listen, and bit of my humor.  

We became closely connected over the week I spent at his building, and I continued to check in on him throughout the rest of the year.  We became pen pals, delivering short letters through his school's mailboxes.  When I went to visit, I was greeted with a huge smile (most of the time), and it always replenished my spirit.

Wednesday this week was the First Day of School for students in New York City.  I was bouncing on the way to work so excited to see my pen pal after a long Summer, kinda hoping that he would have already written me a letter.  I reached out to his Principal to advise that I was coming by for general check-in on Day 1 and to say hello to Doc.  "I'm sorry, Bryan.  I just got notice yesterday that he is transferring to a school in the Bronx."

Devastated.

I knew it might be the best thing for him as he was having trouble adjusting to life in the school in my district.  But it didn't stop me from feeling a seriously depressed moment.  That really caught me by surprise.  

The downside to authentic connections with young people we serve is a profound sense of loss when they are no longer connected to us.  It hurts.  This also means it was a strong connection and a relationship that mattered.  I wouldn't give that up for anything.

Relationships do matter folx.  They matter from Day 1.  Doc and I learned a lot from each other.  It is important to remember how much we can matter to someone.  Doc was growing, changing, and improving over the last year as I mentored him.  I am proud of the progress he made and sad that I won't be directly working with him anymore.  I am confident, though, that he will take some of that connection and learning with him to his new home and school and keep growing.

In my search for a silver lining, I also realized that I have time for a new mentee.  I'm pretty excited to see who might need a smile, an adult willing to listen, and a little bit of humor.  

Do you bring your authentic self to classroom?