Innovating the Compliment Sandwich, or The Sidewalk Burns

I focus much of my attention and time to innovating learning environments and practices.  Even in the oddest situations, I try to find something to learn.  Yesterday, I was able to learn a new technique for giving someone critical feedback, and it still has me giggling to myself today.

I was walking with my team to a special event to hear from our new Chancellor.  We chose to walk through the Lower East Side as a little mini-adventure.  I love walks like this, down new streets, seeing things I haven't seen before.  And walking down Orchard Street was pretty cool.  There were stores I had never seen, interesting restaurants and bars, galleries with 3D pictures.  A feast for the eyes.  Who would have known it would lead to a feast for our ears.

As we walked down the street, there was a shoeless man, late 20s/early 30s, sitting on the sidewalk near a small piece of luggage with his phone plugged into a LinkNYC public station charging up the battery.  As we approached him, he began to look me over and says, "Nice tie and tie clip, man."

Wow.  The day was hot and muggy, but a random compliment is always appreciated.  So I shared my gratitude with him, "Thank you so much.  I appreciate that."  And we continued walking.  Apparently he wasn't finished.  I left too soon.

Yelling down the block to me, "Yo!  You need to lay off the gluten, bro."

​Wait...  WHAT?!?  Did it get hotter out here?  Did I just get roasted on the sidewalk by this guy?

​Was that Critical Feedback, or did he just call me fat?

I mean, I get it.  I Had a big lunch that day.  I'm a big dude.  But, it was, "You look nice today.  And you're an unhealthy behemoth."

And why, friends, why do the best lines for comeback always happen 3 blocks away and 5 minutes after the situation ended?

As my team and I continued our journey, we laughed and laughed.  It was super funny.  We realized during our ensuing discussion that this guy had dome something really innovative that we might learn from.  He reinvented the traditional Compliment Sandwich.

In the newly learned Open-Face Compliment Sandwich, you start with a quick compliment to begin the conversation.  But don't let that distract you from getting to the "meat" of the discussion.  Quickly ignore any thanks and gratitude, and just state the necessary Critical Feedback.  

"I love what you've done with your hair.  Stop chewing with your mouth open."

"Your smile really brightens the room.  Your hair makes me want to cry."

"I'm so glad to see you on such a beautiful day.  Children are frightened of you."

I'm not yet sure if this will work professionally, but it could make some difficult conversations with friends go much more quickly.  And with fewer friends after the conversations end, there will be less of a need for difficult conversations overall.  Win-Win, right?

It was an interesting exercise in finding the learning moment in a situation like this.  And we found one, albeit sarcastic, but we found one.  And I am still laughing today.  That makes the Open-Face Compliment Sandwich a winner in my book.

Side Note:  I got home and was preparing dinner.  A vegan wrap.  His words rang in my skull about gluten.  I ate it as vegan bowl with rice.  Critical Feedback received.  Thank you again, shoeless sidewalk sage.